I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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