My underwear smells like fireworks.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
