theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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