Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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