honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
