and you said cock pushups were impossible
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
