Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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