I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
