Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
