but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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