Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And then the night went full on bisexual.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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