this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
