Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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