why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
