Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
