Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
