Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
