Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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