Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
