It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
