I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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