Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
