Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize