I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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