I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
