I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize