She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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