I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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