people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
