I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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