I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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