I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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