i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
