ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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