Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
