nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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