32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
