just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
