wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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