I am in a vortex of obligation.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
