She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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