Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
