You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so explain again why im purple
no
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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