overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
