letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize