I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
