Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
