the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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