She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
