If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
