i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish you could order shots online.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
