he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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