i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
