he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
