DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
