Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
