I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
