im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
