my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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