I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize