Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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