hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
