If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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