I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
