i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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