Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
