Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
