when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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