Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
