Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bring me that man meat
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
