I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
