I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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