We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the condom got lost in my hair
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
