dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
