Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
