after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
