Tell her she can't have a vagina
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
