so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
