yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
