what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is wine microwaveable?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
