Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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