I wannas sexs uuuuu
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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