So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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