My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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