..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
