Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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