So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
