There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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