All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
