seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
