fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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