It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
