The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
