Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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