party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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