Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I supernannyed him into submission
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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