So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
