i wish my penis had a tongue
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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