Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
