dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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