And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
