i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
