i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
