The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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