I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
