my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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